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Submitted by sarafrancine on April 14, 2007
Category: Psychology
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Helping Your Children to be Emotionally Intelligent
by: Sara Shaw sara.shaw@alumni.northwestern.edu
Seek to Understand Your Children's Feelings
Children who don't understand their emotions and, thus, cannot verbally express themselves properly tend to be moody, irritable and disobedient. It's up to parents and teachers to look for opportunities to help children understand and express their troubling feelings. When children's negative emotions run high, instead of becoming frustrated and irritated ourselves, we need to view these moments as an opportunity to teach children how to cope with life's ups and downs.
Usually, when children get emotionally exercised, this is the time they need us the most. Try not to criticize ("stop being a baby or I'll send you to your room"), dismiss ("that's silly; you should not be afraid, sad, angry, etc.") or ignore ("just forget it and go find something to do") your child's feelings. This may result in the child feeling self-doubt, shame and more frustration than before. It's important to note that spanking a child often results in similar emotional responses. Rather, try to embrace his emotions and help foster emotional expression.
Respecting children's negative emotions requires listening, validating and helping give words to their feelings. This, in itself, will help a child to calm down. The child not only learns to trust his feelings and build his self-confidence, he also learns to trust you. This trusting bond can be used as leverage to influence the child's behavior.
Reprimand the Misbehavior, not the Negative Emotion
Children who don't understand their negative emotions, and who aren't validated by their parents or caregivers when they feel them, tend to express themselves by screaming, hitting, pushing, grabbing, etc. It's important that the child isn't reprimanded for the emotion (i.e., feeling angry) but for the misbehavior (i.e.,...
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